Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
