Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i came on her dog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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