Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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