We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
