I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
