swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
