the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
