I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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