Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
