also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
