I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
