the day after is always just damage control
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
