He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
