Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
