just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
