if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
