Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
