So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
