We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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