my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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