Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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