Are we in a gay sports bar?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
