is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
