i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
