If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
