I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
