the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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