I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
