i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
