No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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