im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
