honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i would punch a child for taco bell
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
