if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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