I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
