omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
