I'm drive I can fine osifer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
