And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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