my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
