i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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