Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
