About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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