You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
