I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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