my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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