low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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