Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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