I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
