I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
