; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
