I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
